


Advice

by A_Hippo_Named_Saelym (Kairacahra1869)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Budding Romance, Dramatic!Markus, Gen, Josh POV, Josh is the sage character, and drives off a cliff, completely 180s, heads in one direction then, hinted connor thirsting for markus, intense!markus, josh "miss me with that gay shit" tryna avoid the fiasco, josh is too old for this budding romance crap, markus thirsting for connor, moody!Markus, people definitely use him for advice, tired!josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 16:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18969016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairacahra1869/pseuds/A_Hippo_Named_Saelym
Summary: Markus is lurking in Josh's room and Josh pretends to regret signing on as Markus' older brother figure, especially since he's useless when it comes to his crush on Connor.





	Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap, where did this come from? Where did it go? Where did it come from, Cotton-Eyed Joe?
> 
> With the seriousness, I am apparently in a really write-y mood? First I dropped two parts to a mini-series focusing on some AU nobody ever wanted or asked for, and now a new chaptered work is happening and its a sort of sequel to the OG Josh Appreciation week?? Holy crap, this might be my calling. Writing stories no one really gives a damn about because either a) it's a sad ending au or b) it's about minor characters- that deserve way more love than they get.
> 
> Anyway, I don't think this is going to be long... Endgame is RK1K, Josh being the Captain of the ship in this story. However, I'm not going to say anything definitively cause then I end up either overwhelming myself and abandoning the project or pressuring myself to make it quickly so as not to come out as a liar.
> 
> So as I said, this is a sort of sequel to the final part in Josh's Appreciation week series (Do it for Josh), [Therapy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18542689), but it's not necessary to read it first to understand this. All you need to know is Markus and Josh talked about they feelings and it ended with Josh updating Markus' status as "Little Brother".

“What do you want from me?”

Josh can feel Markus staring lasers into his back. They were not friendly lasers.

“Connor likes you.” Ever so blunt, Markus does not mince his words nor hide his jealousy. Unfortunately for Josh, this isn’t the first time Markus has broached this. The man, as charismatic and compassionate as he is, doesn’t seem to be capable of reading androids as well as he can humans. Or, Josh acquiesces, Markus is very good at deescalating and diffusing tense android relations, but most of those skills come in handy for problems or issues that arise. When everything is smooth sailing and androids are peachy? Markus’ implodes on himself and just starts spouting bafflingly mysterious philosophical crap.

Which works in favour of his image as the leader.

Not so much in his task of “wooing” a certain ex-detective android, who takes everything at face value.

“Yes, Markus, I know.” The lasers intensify. Josh understands Markus’ current bout of childish jealousy. He also knows Markus isn’t frustrated from lack of trying. North was even in on his crush, and she straight up told him to “be blunt and stop quoting Laozi at him”. Josh agreed.

“I like Connor.” Is Markus’ brilliant reply. Josh wonders if he’ll lose his eyes with how hard he’s been rolling them lately.

“Yes, I know. Tell him that.” Josh just wants to go into saver mode. He hates being aware sometimes, because he feels exhausted after today, and Markus brooding at his desk, like some sort of scorned spouse.

Markus sighs and Josh feels those intense eyes stray off of him. Josh doesn’t show it, but inside he sighs with relief. He knows Markus, though upset, isn’t actually angry with him, but Markus is a focused man who likes to see things done and done quickly. He can’t stand the waiting game and, well, its not really a game at this point.

“I have! Multiple times! But he either over evaluates what I say or under evaluates what I mean!” and therein lies the problem. Connor is both insanely perceptive, but like Markus, that perception is only useful in very specific situations. He was made for police work and criminal negotiation. He shines most when there is a problem to be solved. When everything is a walk in the park and androids are fine and dandy? He doesn’t assume anything is a threat, so he just ignores all signs or social cues. Except…

Markus lies flopped on Josh’s bed, like the rude brat no one knows or would believe, he is. “I thought maybe its me? Maybe I’m not being clear enough? But I don’t know how much clearer than “I want to go on a date with you” I can get. Because I’ve done that and you know what he said?”

Except…

“… what did he say?”

“He said, and I quote, ‘What a wonderful idea! We all need a break.’” Markus turns to glare at him, though his pouty lip makes him look more like a petulant kid, rather than a 6’2 adult male android. “He actually interrogated _me_ on how he should email _you_.”

Connor’s crush. Josh groans and sits down. “Markus…”

“So Connor likes you, I like him, so teach me how to be like… you!” He sits up and places his hands firmly to his side, twisting slightly so he could look Josh in his face as he said this. Probably to convey how serious he was.

Josh snorted, and once that sound came out it devolved into slightly hysterical laughter. “Nope, not cracking this one open tonight. Goodbye Markus, go into sleep mode.”

“What, Josh, no listen to me!” and the man actually had the gall to stop Josh’s body, mid fall into the cushion, and pull it back up to eye level. “Maybe if I learn your mannerisms, Connor won’t feel the need to bring you up every two damn seconds. And, and then we’ll actually get to talk and get to know each other, and that could, Josh, stop laughing _listen_ , that could open up the opportunity to try dating!” Josh can’t stop laughing and Markus is shaking him like he’s trying to physically rattle his vocal units loose.

Eventually, Josh smacks off Markus’ hands and finishes his descent into the cushions. The texture felt great and Josh took a moment to revel in the feel of his bed. So soft and covered in a fuzzy throw. Josh sensed, rather than felt, Markus bristle up, like a cat about to pounce, so he quickly grabbed the pillow and used it to not only smash Markus in the face but also to upset his balance and knock him off balance. Markus landed on Josh’s left with a loud whoosh, his processors struggling to catch up to the sudden rush of stimuli. Josh took the wait interval to let his chuckles die and be frank with Markus.

“You dumb. For real, you is really dumb. There are so many things just plain stupid that just came out of your mouth so I want you to take this time to rethink what you just said and maybe stop speaking forever.”

Markus did not do that. Instead, he whined Josh’s name at such a frequency, Josh considered ripping out his audio units. “But, Josh, I don’t know what to do! Connor thinks the world of you, but when I talk to him you’d think I said I didn’t like dogs or something!”

Josh hm-mms and pats the area Markus is in with pity. “Connor does have a rather adorable crush on me. But, but” he shushes Markus by flapping his arm in the general direction of where his face might be. “Connor has a crush on almost everyone. He gets extremely excitable when he gets to talk tactics and defense with North, constantly quotes Hankisms at us all day long, is quick to jump at the chance to hang out with Kara, lives for every text he gets from the Chloes, and so on.”

It’s why Connor has been so well received by androids. Now that his mission isn’t “hunt, kill” anymore, he’s allowed to just enjoy things. But he’s Connor, and Connor can’t just casually do something. He has to be all in, so he’s all into everyone that holds even the slightest positive conversation with him. Markus, being the jealous fool that he is, is blinded by Connor’s attention span.

“Great… So, what you’re saying is Connor likes everyone for something that they do, but I’m useless when I’m not in front of a camera so I have no appeal to him.” Markus sounds legitimately down on himself. So, Josh does the only thing he can think of to lift his spirits.

He punches him. Hard.

Markus lets out a surprised gasp, they don’t feel physical pain. “What the fuck, _Josh_.”

“Hey, remember the first time Connor was getting to know us?”

“No, what the _fuck_ , Josh.”

“He was all trying to please us and very passive and quiet?”

“Step the _fuck up, Josh._ ”

“Kept nodding his head and carefully arranging his words to come off as approachable and non-threatening?”

“So, we’re just going to act like you didn’t just go North on me?”

“Markus, stop being a little bitch, I’m trying to get you to _think_.”

“You’re a terrible pacifist.”

“I prefer the term ‘aggressive pacifist’ and would appreciate you listening to me for once and do as I say.” Josh blocks the half-hearted jab to his ribs but allows Markus to slap him lightly on his forearm if only to let it out of his system so he could focus on what Josh was trying to say.

“You good?” Josh extends an olive branch.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

Josh sighs. Apparently not since he was still quoting decades-old vines. “Ok, while you continue simmering, we cornered Hank eventually and asked him about Connor, right? And he was all ‘fucking piece of shit can’t emote for bitch’ and you said something like ‘that was a lot of cursing, do you hate Connor?’ and he called you out for not being to read his intentions like an actual robo-Jesus and North lost her damn mind and tried to out curse him-“

“-and then we got horribly sidetracked because they devolved into an argument about the rules of the game because North ‘cheated first’ and switched languages. So, Hank retaliated by compounding curse words, and she claimed that he was dumb for thinking combining curse words was a valid form for new curse words. Josh, I was there and we all have the same capacity to perfectly recall past events.”

“Oh good, I’m glad you’re back with us. What did Hank eventually tell us about Connor?”

“That he liked us and thought we were the best thing since avocado toast?”

Josh shoots him a thumbs up. “Yes, and what else?”

“That he just didn’t know where he stood so he was evaluating the situation before he tried to open up?”

Josh nodded and hummed encouragingly. “Excellent, now recall your current situation. What has Connor been doing?”

Josh feels Markus tense next to him. “Wait… you’re doing that professor-thing again! Where you patronize your students into coming to the answer you want so that you can move on and end the session!”

Josh doesn’t even try to deny it. “Remember exactly what Hank told us Connor was prone to doing, even though he liked us because he liked us.”

“I don’t appreciate this. This is an insult to my person.”

“Markus, do you want to date Connor or not?”

“I do…”

Josh sits himself up and stares down at Markus. “Then answer the question.”

Because Markus has a complex and doesn’t like people looming over him, metaphorically and physically, he also sits up, but at least he looks to be thinking over what Josh suggested. And despite his earlier accusations of using teacher psychology to get him to think on things, Josh can’t help but feel that stab of pride teachers get when the students do actually follow along the crumb trail and arrive at the correct answer when Markus’ face lights up in small hope.

“Wait, Hank said he and Connor spent most of the time chatting about Hank’s likes or talking about Connor’s previous handler, Amanda. And when the original Chloe tried to start a friendship with him, he liked her so much that he just allowed her to lead the conversations, and frequently brought up Hank and Sumo when she asked for his input. And Kara said he did the same to her and her family, bringing up Chloe, Hank, and Sumo… Wait, does he talk about me to you and North?”

And Josh feels his hopes slightly plummet. It was too soon for the correct answer, he supposes. “You were so close Markus. So close, but you focused on the wrong aspect. So, let’s walk through this.”

Markus grumbles. “I asked for advice, not a lesson in Understanding Connor 201.”

“Ha, you wish this were 201! That would mean you were further along in your relationship. Sorry, bro, you only just graduated high school, and the AP credits didn’t transfer. You’re in 101, bitch.”

Markus look so offended Josh had to laugh at him, patting him on the shoulder until he shrugged him off. Josh continued. “Listen, so Connor seems to have a pattern, yes? He likes someone, wants to get to know them, but uses other people he knows to, let’s call it, break the ice.”

Markus nods along with Josh. “Yes, that is accurate.”

Josh nods once. “Good. Now, follow me on this. I know you don’t get to see Connor in action with making new friends, at least not often, but he’s in my class every day, so he has a pattern of discussing those in his life he feels the closest to. So, Hank, Sumo, Chloe, and yes, Markus, me. He sees me every day. I teach a class and he likes to prolong discussions with me. We interact a lot Markus, but that doesn’t mean he’s into me.”

“How are you so sure? I mean, you haven’t heard the way he talks about you! Yeah, he brings up Hank and North and Chloe a lot, but he talks about them like… well, I guess the way I imagine I talk about Carl? You know, like I love him, but I don’t want to fuck him.”

Josh blinks. “Connor wants to fu- actually, no that makes sense.” And then something dawns on Josh. Something he’s been ignoring about his interactions with Connor up until this point. “Oh fuck me, he wants me to fuck _him_ so he can-!” Josh puts his face into his elbow and screams, the sound muffled by his arm.

Markus immediately loses all forms of companionship and contentment. “Wait, what. You sound much more sure of this than I was two seconds ago, and I was totally blowing steam up my ass.”

“Holy crap, I’m going over every single interaction I’ve had with him recently, and things are falling into place! I’ve been so blind, it’s so obvious now!”

Markus has never harmed Josh before, not with malcontent, but Josh knows he’s struck a chord with him and needs to do damage control before Markus jumps him or something.

The issue was that Josh couldn’t explain it to him, because he’s stupid and let things get way too far out of hand.

“Ok, ok Markus I need you to listen to me. Like, for real, no playing, no vine references, just straight up. I am _not interested_ in Connor romantically or sexually. He’s a great friend, a wonderful student, and I know for a _fact_ that he and you could be a very strong power couple. Just, there’s too much I have to process right now because I have been a fool and incompetent. So do me a favour and keep trying with Connor, I swear to you that you have nothing to fear, from me. I’m going to have to get back to you on this, I will, but you need to trust me when I tell you that I have to do something first before all this can get sorted out. Understand?”

Markus’ nostril flares slightly. “One question: Does this ‘ _do something’_ have to deal with Connor?”

Josh nods and holds out his hands placatingly. “Absolutely, but without the double entendre you just put into it.” Not knowing what to do, because he can feel Markus shutting himself off, Josh sticks out his hand, not to interface, but to project an image. The hologram depicted the status of Josh’s closest friends. North was marked as Partner with a subcategory as Confidante, Connor as Friend with a subcategory of Student, and Markus as Little Brother with a subcategory of Little Shit. The image showed that this was being projected at the current time, so when Markus eventually read through the categories, his whole body loosened, and he looked sheepishly at Josh.

“Oh.”

Josh huffed out a sigh of relief, the tension in the room dissipated and Josh put the image away. “As I said, you have nothing to fear from me. I need to talk to Connor, but I don’t think it will be as dire as you expect. I sure hope it isn’t, this isn’t some 2010s YouTube drama.”

Markus nods along and, finally, his face breaks out into a smile. “No, that it definitely isn’t… So, you see me as a brother huh?”

“And as a little shit, but yeah. Why you don’t see this,” Josh gestures between them, dressed comfortably sitting on a bed. “as brotherly? Dude, you literally came up to me asking for relationship advice. You waited in my room to ambush me with it, actually. If that ain’t brotherly, please tell me now so I can just scrap the “brother” part and replace it with the shit you are.”

Markus laughs, the sound open and free. “Nah, you right! I just thought I was being to sentimental with my status for you.” And Markus opened up his hand to show him the, in his folder, he had Josh marked as “Big Brother” with a subcategory of “pretentious asshole”.

Josh scoffs. “I’m a pretentious asshole? Have you _heard_ yourself when you know you’re going to get what you want and then you actually get it?”

“I don’t know Josh, have you just heard _yourself_? Everything you say screams ‘I know better than everyone here and it _pains me_ that I am the only one who can educate them’. You’re so into your own ego.”

“I’m a professor. Of course, I have to be “into my own ego”, students don’t give a shit and they are some of the rudest, uncaring assholes you’ll ever meet! Case and point, you! I just told you I was gonna get you your man, and you come into my room, sit on my bed, and slander me?!”

“See, there it is! ‘Oh, I have an ego! I have to, the world is so blind to my excellency that I would whither to pieces without praising myself to make up for it’”

“So, you just gon’ bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?”

“Happy birthday?” and Markus ducks the playful swing and stretches himself out on Josh’s bed.

“Hey bro… Thanks for putting up with my woes.” Markus says, face covered by a pillow and voice slightly muffled.

Josh shoves Markus’ limbs off of his side so he can lay down as well. “Yeah, yeah. It’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

Markus answers with a soft hum, and the Josh watches this android just… power off in front of him. Like, wow, rude. But Josh is fine with it. He’s gotten used to Markus and his dramatics. Instead, Josh spends a few moments wondering how he’s going to deal with Connor, clear up the air between all three of them, and get those two fools to fess up to each other.


End file.
